A girl I love the most........

In this quite and lonely night, I started to think about her again...........
I really shouldn't fall into her, but I really can't control myself.........
I think I am really stupid on everything that I had done before........
I willing to sacrifice my education because of just want to protecting her.......
I started to take cigarrette because want to have the same interest with her.......
I always find some excuse to hug her because I really want to hug her.......
I always worried and willing to help her when she's sad or facing a problem.......
I am a stupid guy who sacrifice a lot of things because of a girl which I should not fall into.......
One night, one of my friend ask me what happened to me.....
I told her everything.....
She didn't say anything but just ask me one question, "do you think is worthy?"
I didn't answer her question......because I really don't know.......
When I get expelled by college because of that case, she keep apologize to me.......
that really make me felt sad when I saw her keep blame on herself......
It's not her fault, all is because of myself........I can said that but I don't...........
I might hurt a lot of people around me, like my parents and friends, I dissapointed them.......
I am sorry.............
She's really special for me......I don't know why but the feel told me she's the one.........
She's the first girl which I willing to change myself because of her.........
but now she already not available........
I just can keep her inside my heart but do nothing.........
I'm not able to do anything.......everything is not under my control.......=(
I love you, no matter how..........